Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
