I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
