I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The power of my boobs compel you
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize