Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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