She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
