dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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