thus making me awesome and them whores
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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