you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
