It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Holy shit dude........stairs
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
