i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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