you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
