I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
