I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
