Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize