Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
