You're my little dorito
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
