no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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