I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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