dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
