The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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