It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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