how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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