Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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