you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
