dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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