I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she pinky promised me she was 18
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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