No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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