It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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