sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
