I heard we made out
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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