Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
