Where is the hickey?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
