alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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