the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
