Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
