omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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