I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
