if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
