So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
