if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
