Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
