his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
