When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
