Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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