Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
