how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
