Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
