Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
