just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
