Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
