a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
