Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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