Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
