so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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