I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
