Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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