sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
