....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
