I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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