so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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