Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm jealous of your bromance
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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