I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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