So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
