Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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