Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
