i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
