When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
