i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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