There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wear drunk well.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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