I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
