Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
