um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
