I accidentally burped into my bong.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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