I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
