does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
