mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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