Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
