What a fucking waste of an outfit
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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