I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
