when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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