I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
