Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
These tits shall not be calmed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
