just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
