Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
