I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
