WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's rum buckets o'clock
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize