Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Still dying that you shit outside
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
