Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
