There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
