He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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