its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
