Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am available for nakedness
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize