time to smoke my breakfast
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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