dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
