it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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