just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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