Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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