break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
