i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
