I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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