Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
